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| Have a new xanga!
... Actually had quite a few new xangas since this one.
Though I'll never tell..
...but that's because I forgot the links! Hahhahah!
But this recent one I'll know for sure (though I've actually had it for a bit as well lol, but still fairly new).
But you can't know!
At least, not now. Maybe later :) This xanga carries on too much old stuff. Time to move on :). And start fresh (though I say that a lot haha).
So, until then. :)
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| Hhaha I finally understand what it was like for him when he'd say "I feel down. Hhahha."
Fake Laughs. Trying to Stay Positive. Keep up a Front. When in Reality.
It Truly Hurts.
P.S. It really sucks when you feel as though you don't have the freedom to express yourself anymore.
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| I love band. hahhaa.
Ok ok. I do admit I'm getting sick of basics, to the point that I have just been utterly BLEH that one day and was utterly moody.
But man. How did the others get sick of it? Sure, there's that routine, but isn't there a routine in near everything? That doesn't mean we should give up; it's just a damn rut we're in again.
But wow. This year's gona be good. We have more games now, and even have swim breaks!! Never mind that in Red Rover Red Rover, they called Me over, and I flipped over and then I fell over. Now I have an achy neck. That was FUN. Never mind that I pulled an Aly in the Pool and flashed a freshie on accident, being thrown around like a ball was fun. I need to do the flute shirts too! AND MAN. Those chicks. Those flute chicks. I love those chicks. Which is RARE. Since I'm generally hostile towards girls. But their laugh is so catching, I can't help but giggle each time I hear that high pitched squeal of theirs. They are so tiny too lool. Guess I'm not short stack anymore x).
I wana get to know the guys too. Nathan dresses like my brother. Jimmy looks like Timmy. Tony's pro and Hang's bro. Antonio is Karen's lil italian dude. (Ironic that the 2 Mexicans in the section is the shortest and the tallest) It's easy to talk to Robert and Brandon though. Man I miss Jessica Already too. Wish we didn't have to sacrifice our fluteys :(
Dood it's weird. haha. I'm still like. Nervous haha. I'm not that outgoing to people I don't know. That's why I havent' really opened up yet. I mean even talking with Manuel felt kinda awkward. And I wouldn't even look at the flute guys in the eye for long hahhaa. But man I know eventually I'll get over that. It's kinda funny. I don't tihkn of Ian as "Aly's annoying lil bro" anymore. In fact, he's pretty cool. LOL OMG THAT THING WITH MIKE CRACKED ME UP SOOO BAD. Loool.
On a more serious note. Ah shit. I need to get a hold of myself. I keep tearing up. Mike's right. Ever since I attempted to control my anger, I resorted to crying whenever something frustrating arises. LOL omg I cried on what, the first day? I nearly cried yesterday again. Gah. It's not healthy. I'm just scared to revert back to the old me, the uncontrollable one. The last time I let myeslf feel the anger, I went. Out of control. Attacked a stranger in public. I'm ashamed I let myself go so easily. I just don't want that happening again. But damn. Hahha Crying and holding it in is not the answer. I've been telling myself for a while that I need to voice my concerns. That's a previous problem from past relationships. I tend to hold problems to myself, and I end up feeling worse when i do end up voicing it out. Though I'm trying to improve that now, I should apply this to all relationships, including friendships. Yes, I was upset, I felt hurt, I did not like being left behind 3 times in 4 days. But I didn't even confront them about it. Just yelled "You guys fucking ditched me" and cried hhahha. Oh gosh. I didn't even notice that all my anger has been transformed to crying. Now, as Mike has said it, and I have reflected, it's pretty durn right.
I mean, someone seriously thinks there's something wrong with me. I don't know who that person is. But, I'm kinda hurt. Lately I've been accepting insults thrown at me. Accepting the "Mel you're fat" and "You're weird" comments. As Mike said, it's not really good for my self-esteem even though he's the one doing it hahhaa. I guess it was easier to accept them than get angry, less stressful too, but there's always boundaries.
Could it be that I'm bipolar?
.. Or am I just looking for an easy excuse to blame how I am again @_@
I wish I had a doctor that would not friggin laugh when I express my concerns. That last doctor made me want to cry =_=. I don't want to go back anytime soon, even though I need to for that check up from that blood test on whether I'm anemic or not.
Hmm I think I'm not. Maybe just a poor diet for me. Or maybe I'm just like mommy.
//Gosh Ending it so emoo.
Edit.// I forgot to add that VINH is so sweet x). Hhaha I was on my period. Craving. As Usual. Chocolate cake to be exact. Chocolate cake made by Meggy's mom in third grade to be more exact. With chocolate icing. And maybe even chocolate layers.
x) He rode on his bike to get me cake then rode all the way here to deliver x) balancing that piece of cake on one hand while dodging passerbys with the other.
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Ok I totally stole this from lucy's site. Hhaha. I love you view source. Oh yeah I love you too luce. Lol. Rams Bday
 
Then I got pics from Monday's bonfire
 
And from Thursday's bonfire 
^Btw the object of the game was to hit their crotches hahhaa. Ahhh So much has happened hahhaa. Now that I have the pics up I"m too lazy to elaborate on the actual events. But I think I'm addicted to bonfire/beaches now. And Starbucks. Plus I don't know. This xanga isn't that private enough for me anymore. :P So. Yeah. Hm. Damn. I don't get much privacy either. So I haven't been able to freaking update/email/surf sites/do anything without someone right next to me able to read everysinglething. Grr.
Dood. I think I'll make a new xanga hahha. This layout is STILL too tiny for me =(. Hello default ones with only color and size tweaks.
//Oh yeah sorry. This isn't aligned on IE and I"m too lazy to figure it out hahaha.
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| Soo. 2nd day of summer. And finally, an update!
I couldn't help it:
Reading aly's entry, about how she needs excitement, then proceedingly writing about how she needs a job just made me laugh. The juxtaposition of these two? JOB? FUN? EHhhHhh hahahahha I think not LOL. Sorry hahah.
Anywyas, I started summer with a fever. I know. Hhaa. Nice. We went swimming the day before (last day of school), and the day before that. Vinh scooped me up and threw me in the pool so my clothes got uberly wet. Uberly soaking wet that even as I removed them, it still wouldn't dry. >.< NOoooOoo Evil wetness got me sick. And rams pool was cold. And we got kicked out. And they are bent on drownign me. I should have fake drowned :D.
So far summer might seem to be okay. Although I'm complaining of the boredness, being sick wasn't something I expected. AHhhh my parents didn't even know I had a fever. @_@ And I acted all high when out with David. NIIGGGAAS EVERYWHERErjdajfldjafljdsl. Rams thing on Sat. Might go to Band thing on Mon. Another beach thing on Thurs. :D Coolios. Movies again on Tues or tues after. And Hopefully a buncha house crashing in between.
Anyways, so much has happened I can't possibly recall it all. I keep putting off recording them. So now I dont remember.
There was the first ever car wash where i had fun hahah. Hhahha. Zomgs I wish I had pictures. I was soaking. SOAKING! I think that's when. First. yeah. o.O Now that I think about it.
Flute outing. OMFG TRAMPOLINE Hahha it was fun. Oh fawk I went nuts at the theaters. Hit a complete stranger. She really pissed me off. Talked about religion. Karen tricked us all @_@
Band banquet! :D So much fun exploring. The knife owner was after us. LOL friggin Robert scared the people. Some "moments." First time dancing in front of bandoids (not counting the one slow dance last year). I pwn denny at air hockey. Or whatever that game is called.
There's soooo much more. And I bet you reading this won't even know what I'm talking about. So vague. Just little snippets. Little memories and watermarks that hopefully will jog my memory when the time comes and I reread all this crap....
Drama Happens. And **they want to trade places with me. Them weirdos.
I need a new layout =o I think I shall make one tomoro xD. this layout too small. =o.
New friends are kewl.
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